Something I never thought I’d say; “There’s a moth in my coffee”.
Bugs, insects, creepy crawlies, whatever you call them, this time of year they are in abundance. When we moved into the van we didn’t realise it was a house share. It turns out there were already a few tenants that had their eye on this property, and they refuse to leave. There’s The Wasp’s with their massive Big Mumma’s that use aggressive techniques to try and get us to leave. Then there’s Mrs Doubt-Spider and her crew of hairy black friends in all shapes and sizes. They like to hang out where you least expect them to be. Clothes, wine glasses, loo roll, curtains! They are a sneaky bunch. Earwigs love clean washing. Horse flies are vicious and flies are just plain ditsy! And then there are the ultimate bad house guests. The May Bugs.
May Bugs haunted my childhood. I can clearly remember the first time I saw a May Bug and was overwhelmed that something of that size resided in the UK! Since being bombarded by the beasts I have learnt that May Bugs spend 3 years under ground growing, then emerge for just 6 weeks to annoy us. I fear we have placed our awning over their birthing ground! They are bursting through our awning, like the chest monster from the film Alien! Their mechanical buzz isn’t of this world and neither are they. I call them turds with wings. They don’t like that.
It was a traumatic start to the day when I was alone in the van and found one in our bed. Remy was no help! It took me a solid 30 minutes to prepare myself for the evacuation. I cupped it in a glass early to prevent any sudden movements. The little darling was sound asleep, cosily wedged between two blankets under Remy’s bed. I must quickly add that we have a no kill policy in the van, unless in danger or by accident! After pumping myself up using bhangra and motivational pep talks, I went in for removal. I found the sturdiest magazine and approached the snoozing beast. As I scooped it up I made a noise that came from a very real place of fear! I had cleared my exit path so I could be swift. Remy obviously thought this was a game and jumped at me as I rapidly but calmly made my way to the other side of the garden. I feel an insect of their size must have some sort of memory. So in the hopes of disorientating it I took it to a table on the other side of the garden next to the chickens. I hoped that in the wind the May Bug might fly into the chicken pen and provide some extra protein for the chickens! I then sprinted back to the van with Remy in tow, shut all the doors and windows in case the Bug remembered its route back!
Since then May Bugs have haunted my dreams and our awning. One night we heard a scratching at the door and low and behold it was a May Bug the size of a sparrow! In the morning we found it decimated on the floor, taken down by an unknown rodent. I imagined a hedgehog javelined the bug with one of its spikes and it fell to the ground allowing the hedgehog to gorge in its success!
Unlike all the other aspects of this lifestyle that I have embraced, this is the only one I am finding difficult. I’m not particularly frightened of any of our house guests (apart from horse flies). I just don’t adore their company all the time. They must learn to allow us our personal space, just like we have learnt not to accidentally kill them!
Apparently May Bugs are a sign of a good summer. I write this in June while it’s raining outside. They better not be liars as well as bad house guests!
A note of apology to the harvest spider that I accidentally squished with my forehead while zenning out in Extended Child’s Pose (yoga). He deserved an Oscar for his death sequence.